Blame it on the med changes. Blame it on COVID-19 getting to me. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. I dunno… but I’ve been feeling kind of blue these last few days. Not depressed, just down in the dumps.
I’m turning 54 soon, and it hit me that the last birthday I celebrated with friends and family was my 16th birthday. That was 38 years ago. Now, I’m normally not one to make a fuss about my birthday, I rarely even tell people my birth date. So there’s that. But every seven or so years, I get an itch to have a party, go out, do some things. You know… celebrate! Like normal people do. And… it never happens. I throw great parties that no one comes to, dear reader. And a lot of that is my fault. I was nomadic for a good part of my adult life, which means I didn’t make a lot of close friends. I can count on one hand the number of close friends I’ve had over the years. I made a lot of acquaintances, but very few good friends. So whenever I did have the urge to have a birthday bash, I didn’t really have a lot of people to invite to said party. Or those I did invite were not inclined to come because why should they? I mean, they didn’t really know me and they had other things to do.
Because the other obstacle to me celebrating my birthday is that is almost always falls on Labor Day weekend — not this year of course, but this year we have COVID-19. And since Labor Day weekend is what we Americans call “the end of summer” most people are out that weekend with their family and friends, usually camping, barbecuing, or just taking advantage of the sales that are going on that weekend. It’s not a tough choice for someone: spend the weekend in a big celebration with family, or go to some person’s birthday party. Most people chose the former, and I totally can’t blame them. But it does mean that the few times I get a wild hair and want to have a birthday get-together, I usually end up… not. I gave up on my 40th birthday (the big four-O) when my friends, one by one, either cancelled because of Labor Day or asked me to reschedule my birthday bash to another weekend to accommodate their plans. I wanted to have a spa day with a few friends. I was paying and everything. Just one spa day. I scheduled weeks in advance and the friends I invited all said they were good for that day (it was a Saturday). But long story short, it didn’t happen, and I was out the money I put down to hold that day for us. I ended up not going myself because that would have been just too sad.
Anyway, when we first moved back to New Mexico, I was looking forward to reforging some old ties, maybe making new friends. When we bought the house here, I was hoping to be able to have a small housewarming party — I’ve never had one of those and it would have been fun. Just a little dinner with a few friends, nothing big. But COVID-19 put a damper on those plans. I would have liked to have a few friends over for my birthday this year since it’s not on Labor Day weekend. Have lunch, coffee, sit out in the back yard and chat for a while. Play some music… maybe a cake… I dunno. Just have people over in celebration of me making around the sun another year. Because I just want to do that before I get too old to enjoy it. You know? I’m an introvert by nature, dear reader, but even I need to interact with people every once in a while. But that’s not going to happen either because of COVID-19. And I’m sad right now. I guess I just needed to get that off of my chest.