I was thinking the other day about creativity. As some of y’all know, I use to be a writer. Had a few things published a long time ago, not a lot but a story here, a poem there. I’ve never been ambitious enough to submit a lot, so not a lot got published. That’s how it works, you have to play the game in order to win. I wrote because I have a deep seeded need to put words to paper (so to speak). My psych meds dull that need quite a bit, but it’s still there. I don’t write creatively anymore, but one of the reasons why I have a blog is because… well I still have the urge to write and it won’t be denied. Y’all don’t see everything I write because some of it just isn’t worth hitting the “publish” button. I’ll spend hours on a blog post, realize I just babbled for hours and trash it. Because who wants to listen to me babble for that long? Ha! Anyway, I got to thinking about my muse the other day. I know that I have some creativity because I used to write fiction and poems — so that spark is there. A long time ago, I drew as well. I never cultivated my drawing skills, so they atrophied and withered away. I’m lucky if I can draw basic shapes now, but there was a time when I could bang out a decent picture. But that skill is long gone. My fictional writing skill has probably similarly atrophied. I mean, you have to use a muscle to keep it limber, and I’ve not flexed the fictional writing muscle in a long time — mostly I’ve been writing in this blog and my meds make even that kind of difficult. But I made the decision that I would rather be sane than creative, so here we are. ^_^
Anyway, I’ve been watching videos of artists who look at a blank piece of paper and just… draw the most amazing things. I mean I’m sure that they have their inspiration, but to take a single canvas and give it so much life and depth… I just sit in awe. Whenever I drew stuff back in the day, I mostly looked at something else and tried to copy it… not trace, just attempted to draw what I saw. Like I had a picture of my first born and I would look at that and try and draw it. The result was a baby that looked like a baby, and a realistic baby, but not the baby in the picture — if that makes sense. It was after my second kid was born (I was eighteen at the time) that I stopped drawing altogether. Not enough time I guess, plus I wasn’t in a good state mentally — I wrote a lot more. Most of my drawings lacked depth anyway. They were basically sketches. I never really learned to draw beyond that. I sometimes wonder if I ever would have gotten any better if I’da kept at it. I dunno. I think that’s why I like Photoshop. It gives me a chance to “draw” without needing to relearn to draw. Photoshop gives me an outlet for my creative side that’s not a lot of… effort? I guess is the word. I mean, it was pretty easy for me to learn with the plethora of YouTube videos and tutorials that are online. While I don’t get wildly creative with Photoshop, I think I do okay. A lot of the “memes” y’all see on my blog are made by me with Photoshop and (usually) pictures from Pixels (which are free to use), and I know that they’ll never become viral. I’m okay with that. I ain’t here to be popular. Nothing I ever do is to be popular. I just like using Photoshop to be creative. I know my Photoshop stuff isn’t popular at all on the blog. That kind of makes me sad, but oh well. I guess my creativity isn’t wild enough. ^_^
Anyway, just musing. I’ve been tired these past few days. Fatigued even. Happens a lot in my world. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Thanks for listening to me grousing.