Daily life

Progression and Regression

So the good news is that our mud room is finally finished! Yay! It took a full week, but it got done. I’d take a picture, but it’s a pretty boring room, just a washer and dryer with some shelves. But it’s functional, has a door that actually locks, and now we have shelves that do more than look pretty. Like there was a really beautiful shelf in there before, but it was totally useless. Like, it had these supports that made storing anything underneath it impossible, and it was at a weird height. And the shelf above the dryer was impossible to reach. So we fixed all that and now we can use our shelves and cupboards. So that’s good. Huzzah. Let me tell you this, dear reader, having the washer and dryer up on pedestals makes all the difference in the world for my back. Like, I love not having to bend down to do the laundry. It’s kind of great. And bonus, our garage has been cleaned out of junk and cardboard and it’s all organized in there. Now we also have tons of storage. Well, we always had the storage, but it was hidden behind all of the cardboard from our moving and the furniture we bought after moving in that both Doug and I were just too fatigued to deal with. We started out pretty well with getting things done, but after a few months, we just kind of petered out with it. So over the last year or so, our garage became basically useless as a garage. But now it’s empty, and we can put our car in it. So, good news.

From my Facespace.

Meanwhile, we got the security door back from the fence people. They had to cut a hole for the dog door in it, and they had it for a few weeks before the one guy was fired from the company. But they brought it back last Saturday. I haven’t heard anything from them this week. But the lady I spoke with said that she was going out of town, so I figured I would give them a week before bugging them again. I heard from the landscaping people and they have our fountain, but it’s waiting to be shipped. *sigh* so that’s a step… forward? I guess? In other news, I’m still waiting on the part for my computer so I can’t play video games on my computer — first world problems. I know. But playing video games is one of the ways that I relieve stress and I totally could have used that outlet this week. Like sometimes one just wants to slash people with a sword, and it’s better that one does that virtually. You know? But right now, I cannot do that. Don’t worry, dear reader, I’m not going to go about slashing people with a sword. For one, I do not have a sword. ^_^ Also, my prowess with a sword is only good virtually. Like, I can barely hold one, let alone wield one. Ha! And there’s that tiny detail about killing people being bad. I mean, society frowns one it and everything. In other other news… my friend, Tina, asked me if we wanted some Jerusalem Artichokes. I’d never heard of them, so I was like, “Okay.” So we planted some in my front yard were there isn’t much planted. Hopefully we’ll have some plants flowers there soon. I threw down some sunflower seeds there earlier and there’s a bit of green all over, so we’ll see. It’ll be great to see color pop up in the front yard, especially if it feeds the birds. To round out the week’s good news, I also got my first inoculation for the plague, so that’s another good thing that happened. My arm hurts a little, but other than that, there are few side effects.

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy from Pexels edited in PS by me

But it hasn’t been all sun and flowers this week. My health — mental and physical — took a serious hit. As some of y’all might know, I had an abusive boyfriend who tried to kill me just under fifteen years ago. I mean, you’d think that I’d be over a thing by now, and most days I truly believe I’ve put it all behind me and moved on with my life. But sometimes it all just comes rushing back. And honestly no one is to blame. The long and short of it, is that I had a serious case of PTSD — like a major panic or anxiety attack — this week and my health suffered for it. And the worst part of it is that the person who caused it probably had no idea they were making me freak out because I’m “strong” and am pretty damned good at putting on a good front. Though I did retreat as quickly as I could and make Doug deal with them after my initial freak out. Hell, even Doug didn’t know what was going on until it was over and I told him what was happening. He just thought I wasn’t feeling well. I want to make it clear that this person didn’t do anything wrong. It’s kind of like if someone got into a car accident on a stormy dark night and drove through similar circumstances that caused the accident. They might quietly freak out on dark stormy nights while driving, but still drive. That’s similar to what happened. It took me a few days and a major migraine to recover — stress gives me debilitating migraines. But I did get myself together — for the most part. I’m just… I dunno… angry at myself that such a little thing made me so upset. Like I said, it’s been almost fifteen years, you’d think I’d be over it by now.

Anyway, we got our mudroom put together and that’s the major thing that happened this week. I’m totally looking forward to a quiet week next week, so hopefully next week’s catch up will be short and sweet. 🙂 Here’s to hoping I didn’t jinx it. I am feeling better now, so don’t fret. I conked my head the other day on a cement wall so it’s feeling a little bruised, but other than that, I’m my usual self. I’ve taken up knitting again and am working on a scarf. I finished the shawl I was working on but need to block it. I don’t have anything to block it on and when I looked up the price of blocking squares and pins I was like, Are you freaking kidding me? Now I remember why I never block anything. Like, I usually knit in acrylic, it doesn’t need blocking. Jeez, but it’s what you’re supposed to do if you knit with cotton, wool, or anything that’s not acrylic. What a pain. hahaha! But things just don’t look right if you don’t block them. So I’ll probably have to bite the bullet and buy some blocking pads and pins. Hey, if I can’t stab people virtually, y’all, I can at least knit aggressively. Ha!.

5 thoughts on “Progression and Regression

  1. There is sadly, no time limit on reacting to something that caused PTSD. I too thought I was completely over the abuse caused by someone three years ago. They contacted someone who contacted me and I went full blown panic attack. I was so angry with myself because I was sure the therapy and journaling had taken me past all that. Don’t be angry with yourself. Take care of yourself. Deep breaths and acceptance of how far you have come.

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    1. I can understand that. This dude showed up as a “someone you might know” on an old Facebook I didn’t even use anymore probably about five years after it all went down (when Facebook was still new-ish) and I totally freaked out. It was probably an algorithm thing but try telling my brain that. As you said, full blown panic mode. It sucks, but what can you do? One day at a time. Right?

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  2. I’m so sorry for your triggering incident. I was recently triggered to a sad place by one of those Facebook memories photos. *Whew* Glad to get past that! About blocking mats, I bought mine – a whole set – for $8 at Harbor Freight. They’re pretty much the same as pads you use under exercise equipment or to pad the floor of a utility room or garage. I’ve used them a few times and am satisfied with them. The blocking pins I ordered from Knit Picks.
    Be well, my friend. And keep on writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Darn, I just ordered my blocking mats from Amazon! Oh well, what’s done is done. Thanks for the good thoughts. Triggers are so unexpected and just when you think you’re over something… Bam! It comes back to hit ya in the face.

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