Sorry that I didn’t write a post yesterday (Sunday) dear reader. I wanted to, but I was sad at the world, and didn’t want to write a long, rambly whiney whinge. This is actually the second or third of attempt at writing this post as the first few attempts have turned into a whiney whinge, and no one wants to read that shit. It’s tough to keep my moody blues out of my writing, but there it is. Let’s just say that all of the frustrations over contractors, fountains and doctors have just… really gotten to me, and I’ve been in a blue funk lately. It’s really annoying me, so I get angry at the world, then I get sad about it, and then I get concerned because neither of those emotions are good for people who are bipolar, and… yeah. I’ll leave it at that.
The fountain issue hasn’t been resolved. I’ll link to my previous post about it if you didn’t read that and you’ll know where I am with that. I’ve been getting estimates for the fence, and I’ve found out that not only did the first company scam us, but they lowballed us too. It’s gonna cost us at least $5K more than we anticipated just to get the fence. That’s not even the security gate that we wanted. I haven’t heard hide nor hair from that company either, so we’ve probably lost the initial $2K that we gave them as a down payment. It’s not even worth going to small claims court over. I mean, if y’all don’t know, small claims doesn’t automatically issue money that’s owed. All small claims does is verify that the debt is owed. It would still be up to us to collect it. And to be honest, it’s a lot of time and effort just to have a judge say, “Yep, they owe you $2K.” The company can still not pay us even after the court rules that the debt is valid. And given this company’s track record, I wouldn’t put it past them to declare bankruptcy. Then we’d be out court fees, time, hassle, and nothing to show for it. Like I said, not worth it.
Here’s something weird that’s not only making me sad, but pissing me off. My favorite game, as some of you might know, is Skyrim. The ongoing issue with my computer is that the fans kick on to full blast whenever I start a video game. Well, I did some experimenting and it turns out that the only game this happens with is… Skyrim! I have no idea why. I’ve tried every fix that I can find but for some reason, every time I turn on Skyrim, my computer fans kick on to full blast, and there is absolutely no reason why it should be happening. I’ve downloaded and started every game I own, and the only one that makes the fans kick on is Skyrim. It’s not even the most graphically intensive game I own. And it doesn’t matter if I start it through its native start engine, through a third party program, or through the computer’s “gaming platform”. As soon as I start the game, the fans kick on. I’ve spent hours trying to fix it, and nothing I’ve tried has worked. The tech support considers the problem closed. I mean, I can’t blame them, they’ve replaced all of the fans, the graphics card, and resealed the heat sinks, but it’s still a problem, and it’s annoying the hell out of me.
In good news, I have been going to the gym somewhat regularly. I did take the weekend off. Saturday because I really needed a day off from doing stuff, and Sunday because my back hurt. But I was back at it today. So… progress? I also went to the store all by my onesie today. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but for someone who’s been dealing with crippling agoraphobia for what? three years, I think it’s pretty good. Let me tell you this for nuthin’, dear reader, I was shaking the whole time too. I may be wandering out into the big, scary world, but I’m not doing it without fear. It’s still a big, scary world. Hell, even thinking about and my hands are shaking. It’s way easier when Doug comes with me, but he doesn’t want to come to the gym. ^_^ And there’s a reason why I got a gym membership. I’d totally feel guilty if I don’t use it after I paid for it. Plus, despite me saying that I don’t care what other people think about me, there’s a part that totally does, and there’s a small part of my brain that’s always going to be convinced that someone, somewhere is keeping track of how often I go to the gym… and they’re judging me. Paranoia is part and parcel of bipolar, even when medicated. 🙂 So long as it doesn’t get out of hand… a little is okay. Ha! Logically, I know they’re not. No one really notices or cares, but hey, it’s motivation. Right? I might log on to that app I was using for food and exercise again. Maybe.
Anyway, not much else has happened. It seems like the same song and dance that’s been going on for the last few months. And, yeah, it is. Believe me, I’m tired of it too. I’ll be ecstatic when we get our new fence and when the fountain situation is resolved one way or another. Floating on air, that’ll be me. I’m trying to find a new doctor because this one “isn’t comfortable” with refilling my psych meds and I’m running out of Seroquel. She also doesn’t know any psychiatrists and expects me to pick one out. Like I know one. *sigh* Thanks for listening, y’all. Take care.